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 The greatest secret agent in the world and his clumsy sidekick Penfold, continue their fight against the villainous toad, Baron Greenback.
It appears that confidential information surrounding Dangermouse, The Greatest Secret Agent In The World, has fallen into the hands of Boomerang, available on digital satellite and cable television in the UK.
Enclosed in this private document is classified information for the intended’s eyes only regarding Dangermouse, his faithful sidekick Penfold, his mentor and boss Colonel K and their archrivals the evil Baron Greenback, Nero and Stilleto. This will help you with any research you intend to pursue.
Our suave, debonair, not to mention incredibly brave, British hero Dangermouse’s, main remit is to prevent heinous villains in their attempts to take over the world but unfortunately terrible toad Baron Greenback has other plans!
Dangermouse was developed as a spoof of the numerous James Bond films and the creators even went so far as giving Greenback, the animal version of Bond's Bolfeld, a fluffy white caterpillar in replacement of a cat. But the spoofs did not stop with Bond, anything and everything was a source of humour. Our undercover agents are also fully aware of the fact that they are part of a television show as they often argue with the narrator and talk to the audience.
There is no official profile on D.M. there are one or two memos relating to his activities but even these are written with invisible ink and, if they are ever typed up, it is done by a blindfolded typist sitting in a blacked-out dustbin who types on invisible paper with a keyless typewriter.
What follows is a summary (though written in winter) of the early chapters:
Dangermouse's father is thought to have been of noble birth, considerable girth and little worth. In September that year, young Dangermouse started at Eton after which he went on to Cambridge, Oxford, Harvard, the Sorbonne and Würtembery picking up his B.A., B.Sc., M.A., M.Sc., and Ph.D. He became a double black belt in Judo, Tennis Champion of the World and was awarded his Firelighting Badge. Then, in October, a certain Colonel K, who recognised the qualities that comprise a Secret Agent, approached him and the rest, as they say, is history.
It has emerged that the origin of Ernest Penfold is that of one of a long line of the family Hamsterus Cowardissimus Terrificatus, recognisable by the broad yellow strip down the centre of the back.
Penfold was educated at short notice and Whipsnade. Always of nervous disposition, he took a correspondence course in ‘How to Overcome Fear' but failed to complete it because he was too scared to go out and post the papers. We are uncertain as to how exactly this timid rodent actually came in service as sidekick to Dangermouse.
Additional Memo
We have now completed our investigation into the circumstances under which the above was taken into service:
From: Internal Investigation Branch
To: Colonel K.
Subject: Penfold (Code name: Jigsaw - Because he goes to pieces in a crisis)
Here follows original statement from Dangermouse:
“In early March 1980, I'd just finished playing Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto in the lotus position with one hand tied behind me - at least, I think it was behind me, chatting to K on the videophone - when I heard an odd noise - a sort of squealing bump. “Good grief!” I said to myself and opened the sitting-room door. Whatever it was lying there had come from top to bottom - down three flights of spiral staircase.
It just lay there crumpled and torn, flat as a pancake, pale brown with battered edges.
So, I took the poor thing in and showed him where the lair is, how to maintain it and key secret agent know-how such as cleaning the car, pressing my suits and polishing the eye-patch. And he's jolly useful. The slightest whiff of danger and he's off like a rocket”
If it is difficult to dig out the facts on Dangermouse, it has proved downright dangerous to attempt to learn anything about Baron Silas Greenback. What he is is common knowledge. At the mention of his name, tyrants tremble, strong men go pale and hard-boiled eggs turn to jelly. Such is his power that no computer holds a single fact on him or his origins. He pays no income tax - who would dare collect it? He drives without a driving licence, shoots without a gun licence and keeps a pet caterpillar without a pet caterpillar licence. Nevertheless, infinite pains (mostly other people’s) have been taken to uncover the background of the Terrible Toad and his evil henchmen and what few documents are available are attached.
Nero, the aforementioned pet caterpillar belonging to Baron Greenback is an extremely dangerous character best left alone should you attempt to approach him. Take note and do not be fooled by his cuddly furry exterior.
The following information has been collated over the years thanks to our dedicated researchers:
- At an early age Nero sold his own (moth)er to a butterfly farm.
- Nero comes from a long line of Champion Caterpillar at Tufts
- He is author of the best-selling guide to an insect-dominated society: "The Pest Decides"
- The species, Creepio Nastissimus, is noted for its evil intelligence, its loyalty to criminal geniuses and its cunning attempts to overthrow all that is good.
These two are destructive henchmen and Baron Greenback’s right and left hand crows. Originally born in Italy, not a great deal is known about these devious desperados and their intent to devote their lives to double-dealing antics. We are certain however, that Stiletto in particular, was born into a life of crime due to the fact that his father, “Just” Juan Cornetto, was one of the most feared crows in Italy. His catchphrase is “Si Baroné”. We can only presume that Baron Greenback’s scouts hunted down these unsavoury characters and recruited them for his crime organisation, bent on his quest for world domination.
Security requirements prevent us from telling you exactly where our hero’s secret HQ is. However, we can provide you with the following highly confidential information. A red pillar-box, somewhere in London’s Mayfair, houses Dangermouse and his faithful buddy Penfold. However, all correspondence is postmarked ‘Willesden Green’.
Our sources have led us to believe the following highly sensitive facts:
The slot opens into a large pipe, which in turn leads to a temporary storage chamber below ground level. At regular intervals, the stored letters are sucked out and travel along a communicating pipe until they come to rest in a matching pillar-box in Willesden Green. Far from being cluttered with letters and postcards Dangermouse’s home is fitted out with all that the World`s Greatest Secret Agent might need.
Extensive Reference Library:
Where Dangermouse keeps detailed maps and criminal records of all the world’s greatest enemies. Due to the nature of the HQ’s circular shape, there was considerable difficulty in fitting the bookshelves to the wall. This problem was overcome by using planks made from the wood of the banana tree.
Dangermouse’s Wardrobe/Changing Room:
He has 730 identical white suits and 730 black eye-patches which allow for a complete change of clothing every morning and evening, and are made from a unique synthetic fibre specially developed by Dangermouse from his chemistry set.
This Trihexybutylchloro-mentholhydro-oxylmolybelenomdicotyledonous-pollybide is water-proof, thorn-proof, heat-proof, cold-proof, moth-proof, wear-proof, dirt-proof and bullet-proof.
Penfold`s Bedroom:
This is the only bedroom because our hero Dangermouse never sleeps. Penfold, on the other hand, is only properly awake when he is scared. His cot has closely spaced bars to prevent the bogeyman from nibbling his tootsies in the night.
Main Living Room:
Simply decorated, it has a semi-circular couch so that people can sit around, and set into the wall is the Mark III Fishuki Videophone.
Central Lift Mechanism:
This needs only the weight of Dangermouse leaping onto the couch to activate the high-speed hydraulic mechanism, which drops the passengers into the garage areas. The rapidly descending weight compresses the shock absorbing fluid into the central column and at 1.37 STTD (seconds to touch down) this pressure is used to power a hydraulic starter motor on Dangermouse’s car. At 0.92 STTD the couch reaches the base of the column and a hinge mechanism flips the seating forward thus propelling our heroes into their appropriate seats in the car.
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